In the Feels
Dooooode, I know it’s happened to you.
Maybe it’s Mercury in retrograde, or maybe it’s the three chocolate frosted donuts that you scarfed down for breakfast because your empty stomach was a hot mess from the acidic death hole four cups of coffee left in their wake, all you know though is that you feel sh*tty.
Yes, you know you need to break up with sugar; yes, you know you need to get sleep/workout; yes, you know that guy/girl is hot AF but just not good news for you anymore; yet, you keep doing the same thing. You keep crushing bags of cookies while watching Netflix; you keep scrolling your phone until 12:00am and then saying you’re too tired to workout; you keep putting up with the breadcrumbs of someone’s affections because it feels less scary than being on your own.
How’s that working out for you?
My answer? It is.
There is a reason why we don’t make the changes in our lives that we consciously want, and that reason is unconsciously you are benefitting in some capacity from your current choices. You might be asking yourself, “Wait what? How am I benefitting from something that I don’t want?”
Here’s how.
Take for example the cookies and Netflix situation. Maybe you’re benefitting from the situation because it gives you the chance to decompress after a long day. You might get immediate/short term relief and pleasure signals from the brain that this is in fact EXACTLY what you wanted tonight. And yes, that could be true, you wanted that one night, but then it became an unconscious pattern and now it feels like it would require so much energy to change it. So now you’re also benefitting according to your “efficient” *cough cough - lazy * brain, because you are conserving energy. Isn’t it amazing, sitting down, Netflix and chillin’… alone. Again. For the 37th night in a row!? Win. Except it doesn’t feel like a win most nights, and so it then is also costing you.
What can you do about it?
First, you need to become aware of it and leave the judgment at the door - it serves no purpose. Beating yourself up about unconscious patterns (or adverse habits) is what will continue to keep you in them. If you feel shame, you might mentally shut down leading you back to Love is Blind Season 5, stuffing your face-a-roo with another box of those Oreos… just sayin’.
Next, explore it. What is the underlying root cause of your emotional state? If you’re tired, why? Is it because you’re spending obnoxious amounts of time emotionally and mentally de-vested at work and that is counter to your core values?
Most people don’t make it to the exploration step and if they do, they want the microwaved, let’s-just-fix-this-as-quick-as-possible-so-I-don’t-have-to-feel-like-this-anymore, abbreviated version. On the surface level it looks like, “Oh I just need a new job, or a new boss, or a new (fill in the blank).”
You’re a Tough Cookie though, and you don’t have time for skimming the surface bullsh*t. You’re here to work. You’re here to show up for yourself, to commit to the vision of your life that you know exists beyond the excuses, beyond the “low-vibes”, beyond the challenges your brain will concoct to get you from doing the internal work. This life is yours, and you co-create it every step of the way.
The first part of the process is creating awareness around those feelings and the thoughts you’re having that lead to them. The feelzzzzz you’re in right now are completely normal depending on the thoughts you are feeding them.
So, I will leave you with this thought compliments of iPEC: Each of us sees the world through our own filters and lenses.
Explore the filter/lens you’re currently using, and if you don’t like it, you have the power to change the view, aka dos feeeellllzzzz you’re in.
From one Tough Cookie to the next,
Kaleigh